Throne of Bear

Jul 6, 2024 11:04

"Do you have a c**k"?

insidious

Jul 6, 2024 11:08

I guess that's important to some people throne of bear? & perhaps measurements? 🤭

Grumman

Jul 6, 2024 15:42

Yeah that’s a pretty big thing to just ignore or hope will change. Maybe that’s why it lasted so long, one or both thought the other would eventually change to adopt their own view point.

I think religious beliefs might also be something I personally would want to know upfront. I’ve been a nonbeliever in a relationship with believers before and most of the time it’s not a problem, but there’s definitely at least the potential for some major tension at some point in the relationship and it could ultimately become a dealbreaker.

Looney

Jul 6, 2024 21:49

I always ask any deal breaker questions right away such as kids, where we want to live, career, smoking. I don’t think casual dating is fun so I definitely ask all of that in the friendship stage. Six years is INSANE to not have a discussion about kids. 🤯 Especially passing over so many holidays, how does that never get brought up?

Mercurius Mesmerize

Jul 7, 2024 00:42

Perhaps there was a change of heart. Minds change. What you think with certainty today, in one year's time could become the complete opposite of how you feel about something today. Life changes people, no matter the length of time.

Crowcifiction

Jul 7, 2024 23:31

...I guess it couldn't have been a very close knit bond if it was so easily turned to dust. Whatever happened to compromise in relationships?

insidious

Jul 8, 2024 13:57

Yeah Grumman I was religious a long time ago, because that's how I was raised on my mothers side at least, but I was always questioning. My first very innocent boyfriend when I was 16 was religious, by 18 I wasn't religious anymore. I'd never date anyone religious now, friends yes, but not hardcore religious. I just don't want to listen to conversations about God or have someone trying to take me to church or whatever. I'd find it an absolute waste of my very short life, when I feel I've moved past that, personally. I admire the fact that you were open minded enough to try, but imagine also if you had kids together, they would of wanted to raise them religious too.

Yes looney deal breakers thank you. I forgot the term. They did discuss, they both didn't want kids, but theres a twist coming. I showed my partner this post & he added more to the story, that's just come up.

Mercurius I agree people can grow apart & change especially during there 20s, usually, but they got together in there 30s. I guess this can still happen, and your kind of close in a way. I need to add more.

Crowcification I agree compromising with a lot of things, but kids & not having kids is huge!!!! If one gives into what the other wants, they'll most likely end up resenting one another & they'll break up even more bitterly, perhaps even causing harm to there hypothetical children, better they know & break up now I think. You can love each other and still be incompatible. Love doesn't solve everything unfortunately

insidious

Jul 8, 2024 14:56

So do you want to here the twist?

I was told this after I made this post.

After I reveal, you can still comment on the original post content^^^ & the twist, & new information that's been revealed.

JayBellington

Jul 8, 2024 17:39

I vote we dont get to hear the twist.

Or here the twist.

Or there the twist.

Or Olvier Twist.

Or Chubby Checker - The Twist.

insidious

Jul 8, 2024 18:00

Thanks for your contribution jay bellington,

But you bothered to read all of the above, ^^^ to write that. Interesting. Haha

JayBellington

Jul 8, 2024 18:02

I read the title, "So do you want to here the twist?" and nothing else, playing catch up is for nerds.

insidious

Jul 8, 2024 18:06

Oh you're giving me the twist? okay let's see how deep your imagination goes.

JayBellington

Jul 8, 2024 18:14

No twist. It was all just bingo the whole time like we thought it was.

insidious

Jul 8, 2024 18:39

Well the twist is, that her ex partner, never wanted kids, until his mother died recently, Well in the last year, & his mother on her death bed, said her dying wish is for him to have children.

Now what do you think of that?

Looney

Jul 8, 2024 18:48

Compromising on having kids is too much. Compromise is more for how often you have date night, not a whole human being that is going to forever feel like a burden their entire life if they’re not fully wanted by both parents.

Sounds like the guy needs therapy more than a kid if he suddenly decided that after a traumatic event.

Mercurius Mesmerize

Jul 8, 2024 18:54

I think his mother didn't want him to grow old and regret not having a family. Perhaps she imparted some wisdom that struck a cord upon his previous way of thinking, and had a scrooge revelation fall upon his outlook...

Crowcifiction

Jul 8, 2024 18:59

A guy I work with met his wife when she had 3 kids, and she wanted another before it was too late, so he pacified her with a dog, but a couple of years later she still wanted a kid - and the option became very much; a kid or things weren't going to last... so he had a kid.

Crowcifiction

Jul 8, 2024 19:07

The question that should be asked in deep rooted relationships, or let's a marriage question test that the vicar asks is "would you give your life for your other half?" (and we will be using a lie detector if they say yes just to pass the test), if the answer is no then that's it, relationship over. If you're not whole hearted about something, you shouldn't be doing it. Ambling along through it like a cart with a broken wheel. Get the wheel fixed or stop using the cart.

JayBellington

Jul 8, 2024 19:09

If a woman asks for a kid and you get her a dog instead of a goat, then you're stupid.

insidious

Jul 10, 2024 04:37

Crowcification that's a little different, the guy had accepted that this lady had kids already, therefore accepting her kids in his life. I dont think its a giant leap for him to make another kid with her, since he already has kids present in his life anyway, an playing an active role in there life. Perhaps he was overwhelmed by the number of kids, & finances.

In my opinion being a parent is one of the hugest responsibilities anyone can take on, unfortunately a lot of people don't take it seriously enough. You're making future members of society.

I also personally think you must think your genes are pretty awesome to replicate them, & you've got your s**t together & all the answers. To plan kids anyway. I personally think people don't take it seriously enough. Perhaps one of many reasons I never did it. It's responsibility I dont take lightly.

Someone said to me once, anyone can be a dad or a mum, but can they be a father or mother.

I agree looneyin a way, compromise isn't really on your values or deal breakers. Compromise is on what can be negotiated. It's important to have your own values & deal breakers it's kind of part of your identity.

To add more, mercurius. I also heard she didn't really get along with that part of his family, so it's possible the mother didn't see her as an acceptable mate for her son, but not because he didn't love her, but because the mother didn't personally like her. I think that throws a new layer to the circumstances.

insidious

Jul 10, 2024 04:44

BTW looney yes. Lol I think he needs to go to therapy for awhile to sort this out. His mother has put something big on him, her personal want & values. Especially when before he was perfectly happy not having kids. It's definitely a big fricken guilt trip. I would never tell my kids what to do with there life, as long as they were happy with there decisions. I'd hope they would ask for advice & id remain neutral, but I'd never tell them yo do something. I'd just care about there happiness & that there a good person & they don't hurt people, directly or indirectly if avoided.

insidious

Jul 11, 2024 15:09

I think im done on here guys, for a little while, on the forum overall. Some of you guys have raised some interesting points. I've even learnt a bit about myself, & been
self reflective, but small portion of people are so out right bigoted, I've blocked them, but it's still frustrating.

Pls feel free to chat about this post if you want to.

Maybe I'll be back.

Be positive, be loving, be good. Less ego more understanding.

Later 😊

insidious

Jul 11, 2024 15:09

I think im done on here guys, for a little while, on the forum overall. Some of you guys have raised some interesting points. I've even learnt a bit about myself, & been
self reflective, but small portion of people are so out right bigoted, I've blocked them, but it's still frustrating.

Pls feel free to chat about this post if you want to.

Maybe I'll be back.

Be positive, be loving, be good. Less ego more understanding.

Later 😊