Trying to date out of your league

Nov 4, 2024 19:43

The article mentioned that people try to date up for looks, but some factors (like education level) people try to date on par to themselves more often than not. So we're content to be the ugly one in the couple but not the less educated one apparently lol

Wolfboy20

Nov 4, 2024 20:05

The term "out of ones league" is likely made by narcissistic feminist and incells to put someone who doesn't agree with them down. If your attracted to someone your attracted to them it shouldn't matter how you look or how elwell educated you are.

Deleted User

Nov 4, 2024 20:44

Finally a take I can agree with.

Nov 4, 2024 21:04

the information i know of contradicts this. Men swipe on dating apps up to 60 to 80% of the time where as women swipe 10 to 20% of the time so by the laws of averages that shows most men are willing to date down. Where as women "especially on apps" almost entirely tries to date up.

Men in general do not care about status or money in a partner also which for women as much as a lot will deny it, it is important to them. I have a feeling the study you saw is politically skewed. I've probably watched hundreds of hours of podcasts entirely on this subject and looked at a lot of information myself.

Nov 4, 2024 21:11

Also another issue with the topic of up or down is, as i said above men are willing to date down. Which on apps gives women a lot of options, unfortunately a lot of this attention they get is not "real" attention, it's only sexual attention. This will then skew a womans idea of what her level or "league" actually is. So it is actually a thing that women are turning down men that are actually above them, the woman just doesn't know this because Mr 6ft model tried to bang them. So poor Mr reasonable looking and average height guy doesn't stand a chance.

This is also currently the most in history that we have women dying alone and childless even though they have more options than ever and apps and such that make it easier to find people. There multiple reasons for this but one of them is definitely because of a feeling of not wanting to settle because of the internet giving them an infalted ego.

Nov 4, 2024 21:12

Inflated*

Nov 4, 2024 22:31

@wolfboy leagues absolutely exist. Sorry but hot CEOs and doctors (male and female) are not chomping at the bit to date the ugly, highschool drop-out working as a McDonalds cashier in their 30s (male or female). It isn't femcel rhetoric (I see red pill men constantly whining away about hypergamy) it's just facts. Like attracts like. There are certain things that make objectively make people more attractive.

Nov 4, 2024 22:35

@lexi men are willing to lower standards for s*x, this is clear, plus most guys on apps only want s*x. Ask any woman on dating apps (of various attractiveness) what kinds of messages she receives. It's not men looking for real connections. As for lowering standards for dating? I would ask why you assume that

Nov 4, 2024 22:36

Would just like to remind you, it says men and women over estimate their in relation to who they message.

Nov 4, 2024 23:00

So the first thing you see is a photo... Then a bio that goes like this "ask me" so of course i just go ok and move on. It IS amusing though when you watch a s**t ton of things on people and their "preferences" like that whole girls giving themselves ratings, 10 10 10!!!!!! guys rate them, 7 6 8....

But i look at a photo and then go to a profile, and sometimes you see something well written or interesting and go OH i wanna message that person they sound fun, then of course because 'one reason or another' they don't reply, and i'm like DAMN IT.
I could be funny and say i went speed dating, one of the women who was into me was a doctor and i am a nothing? i wasn't into her, just no attraction.

But dating down? don't exactly like that term, i mean i suppose on my level would be a thing? i've dated girls who turned around and said they're not at my level? "that really hurt" stating they didn't feel smart enough to keep me entertained, and i was like, but but... i don't need you to be a philosopher, i liked you cause you're fun and genuine and make me smile?

But then how does "just running with numbers" 25% work? i mean i see what could class as hotties and be like blegh, but also see ones who're... well... not my type? and some of them have been like omg YOU... "makes mistake" tries it with intersectional feminist, goes to hell quickly...

Is there a kinda, i can't meet anyone, and when someone finally takes notice of you, ya just get stupid and go "that'll do pig" and "settle" for something because we feel we have no choice?

Nov 4, 2024 23:28

@Malkie here's the link

https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/sciadv.aap9815?fbclid=IwY2xjawGWN8pleHRuA2FlbQIxMAABHe7q4TCwExkB9M66iZKIXpek8UDrbs_7K36Yqxz9nkqGnHClzy2kmaIjPw_aem_bK8Z2iMQijBL2xp4_esaQw

Nov 4, 2024 23:31

@Malkie I've settled a few times back when I was dating because I couldn't find men looking for long term that I was attracted to. Like my second boyfriend, I was never physically attracted to him but gave him a chance because he seemed nice and was actually interested and not just trying to score. I wouldn't say he was objectively below my league as it were, just wasn't my type physically

Nov 4, 2024 23:33

As a man, not only have i seen a lot about this stuff as i said before. I've seen it with people i know, and men talk with men. A lot of men do want relationships, but they are not getting female attention. Of course i agree with you a lot of men are just after s*x, but especially with most apps now, it's a swiping thing, women will only swipe very rarely, which means they have pretty high standards on who they are swiping on, This means the people they are swiping on are more likely going to be the kinds of men that have more options and are looking for more casual flings because they they can do it. It's an abundance mentality.

Here is another stat that people don't talk about often enough. Did you know that in western countries, roughly 15 to 20% of men are f**king around 80% of women. This means the majority of women are sleeping WITH THE SAME MEN and there are a lot of men getting absolutely no s*x at all. So this is where people get the false idea that most men only want s*x and most guys are bad boys and blah blah. This number alone proves what i said before about which gender will date down or up.

Either way i don't care, I'm just stating the facts, the reason for it is all biology, women are biologically attracted to security, status and resources and men are biologically attracted to looks and purity. This is one of the most consistent biological and phycological studies that really aren't disputed by anybody worth their salt.

Mercurius Mesmerize

Nov 4, 2024 23:36

How would one even allocate who is in which league? I'd say generally people think they are more desirable than they really are, brought down by lack of natural beauty, lack of depth of character, and lack of interesting interests.

Most people follow the same style of the current decade, which is probably at its worst so far, joined with profiles full of holiday snaps, and profile talk about going on holiday. Also dependant on an emotional support animal, who only really loves them back because they feed them.

Do people not desire more in life, or are people doomed to be distracted by a fanciful life and dreams of living comfortably?

Nov 4, 2024 23:39

I'll take a peek a boo at it, i swear though i'm dopey'er' than some guys, sometimes the most attractive sorts turn out to be the worst, or settled myself thinking "oh that is the best i can get from this"

Nov 4, 2024 23:43

Well that IS a funny one, its like everyone has different perceptions of things, and some see things different to others... In any case the nice girl i met literally just plopped herself in my lap and said mine...

Oh tangent, when a girl does that, secretly us boys are like "i like that" but don't quite "say it" i mean being wanted and claimed is a nice thing. She said, oh doesn't come across as possessive right? me: It does, but i'm not minding. Comes into the whole, them making a move, which society says "guys make first move" but i rather appreciate a girl who says "this is what i want"

Wolfboy20

Nov 5, 2024 00:09

Then that makes the woman materiallistic. Saying someone is "attractive" for their job or money. Just shallow and wrong

Nov 5, 2024 00:17

What is not shallow and wrong? "honest question"

I mean if we're going to be simple, pair bonding, making the next generation, are biological things. Making a kid needs money and a house? a "nest" as it was? Equating we're not more than merely animals with supposed ability to think slightly more.
So you want to have a family, a well paid job, meaning bringing said child into the world, with the ability to give it the best chances, ya need stability? but it also shows that PERSON to them has stability and can PROVIDE for them?

I mean simply, if i'm to be funny, if i'm not into a girl who's going for those "materialistic things" i can just go "eh" and move on? i have a job, got a place, am content in doing MY thing... "whoo sigma" and amusingly, that then goes to the idea guys AREN'T dating cause why would we?

I know women who're "like me" mad independent, literally doesn't want a guy to look after them, but to be in their life and add to it, like how I WANT that, i don't NEED a partner, bar society telling me so, i want someone i can enjoy my time with.

Mercurius Mesmerize

Nov 5, 2024 00:21

People are forever wasting their lives chasing perfection. Photo filters can't fix time lost.

Nov 5, 2024 00:29

Another topic all together "hehe" but people's photos get filtered by default now? apps do it without us even asking, people think their filtered look is them, changing their perceptions. I see this argument all the time.

Person 1 with filtered photo, well scroll on...
Person 2 I hate people with filtered photos it feels fake...
Person 1 Oh how come people are calling me a catfish...
Person 2 Uh........

Nov 5, 2024 00:31

It doesn't sound nice, because we have been brought up to have this idealist idea in our head. But the truth is, if any of you had a daughter, and she had 2 options, everything identical but one guy has more money, you would obviously want your daughter to make the smarter decision to pick the guy with more money. It's shallow to a degree if someone will only date a filthy rich person, but again, it's just biological urges for security. There is nothing wrong with it.

When you actually understand how humans and everything works, it all comes down to biology. You enjoy the feeling of s*x because it's natures mechanism to make sure you procreate. Now we have a brain intelligent enough to say "i don't want kids, i'm gonna wear a condom" but that doesn't change the physiological reason of why s*x feels good. Same with food. I hear people say all the time "why does all the bad things taste so good" That's because fats and sugars in nature and most of human history were a life saver in times where you didn't have much food.

Nov 5, 2024 00:32

Yeah i heard tik tok has an automatic filter which of course is designed to make people more addicted to continue making tik toks.

Nov 5, 2024 00:38

Well that is it, i saw the vids and was like.... o_o it showed people literally being changed and filtered, which sounds like a mental illness waiting to happen? Like how i'm not tangent ing right out, that half the people who're now suffering mental illness are doing so because "oh that person has it" ergo i do also...

I honestly "when i WAS" using apps going nope nope nope, to anything i saw as filtered... You'd get 10 photos of a girl who looked half her age, then this one normal photo and i'm like OMG... the difference was insane.

Nov 5, 2024 00:38

@wolf read what Mallow put.

For one, of I want a family I need a partner who is financially secure like myself. Also to become a CEO or doctor requires ambition, a high school drop out still working and entry level job lacks ambition. At least be the manager of McDonalds if you're in your 30s. Wanting someone with the same intelligence or drive as you isn't materialistic. It's about values. If I value ambition I want someone with ambition. Of I value intelligence I want someone intelligent.

I swear this thread is being overtaken with oncel rhetoric. The study I referenced says BOTH GENDERS try to get the best deal they can. And quite frankly I don't see how a boomer man wanting to date a gen-z girl is somehow above reproach (because "yOu CaN't HeLp WhO YoU'rE aTtRaCtEd To") but a woman wanting a rich/tall man is condemnable. Either being shallow is wrong for both genders, or it's ok for both genders.

The point of this post was about how much do we, of both genders, sabotage ourselves in the pursuit of love by being shallow. It's calling out everyone equally.

Nov 5, 2024 00:39

*Malkie. Stupid auto correct

Nov 5, 2024 00:41

I am finding it rather pathetic that men are upset and calling women shallow about being viewed as attractive for having wealth when they judge women's attractiveness off age and appearance. Like come on, pot meet kettle.

Nov 5, 2024 00:45

I don't think there is anything wrong with either genders choice of preferences. I just had a disagreement with saying that both genders are prioritising a superior, because if average is average, "which it is" then the article you linked has some false information, because the dating apps have released the information on the percentage of swipes, and they are nowhere near comparable between men and women. Men are swiping a hell of a lot more than women, so considering "average is average" that article cannot be correct.

Nov 5, 2024 00:49

Dawww you can call me mallow, girls at work call named me billy, and i'm like "derp" secretly love it lol.

But then one of those issues is the echo chambers, i've been watching a channel of a women who speaks about dating, and her points are so valid...

Girl... boy is hot, want boy, i took out my headphones hoping i looked "approachable" boy didn't notice her, she was sad panda.
Commentator, well do you think just "popping out your headphones" is enough? me as a boy: NOPE. It feels such a mine field, fear of rejection yada yada. I work retail, literally front door, girls all the time "flirt flirt" me "carefully" flirts also. BUT TO ME... like cute girl at coffee shop, she's being nice as per her job, doesn't mean she wants me. Notice how the whole thing gets complicated?

To me some of the major problem is "again" social media, femcels and incels exist, to me "biased" some idiots on both sides just aren't going to get lucky, happens in the animal kingdom also, but then both sides feel entitled to things...

Nov 5, 2024 00:54

But also, lot of girls at work don't wear name tags, me: why? them, guys constantly hit on them.. me: i had no idea? and was a bit sad because to me, if you're at work, its... you don't make passes at people at their jobs?

Sorry we're having a few conversations at once, but isn't discussion nice? But to me i have some really hard rules "girl is nice, doesn't mean anything" but then poor girl could be like "i am into him" A girl once said, how did you not know i was into you? i meowed "really happened" i said, i didn't know that was a "sign"

But i feel we get some really bad information sometimes, that whole, girls like arseholes thing... I dated a girl once, and her best friend HATED ME, why? Cause he was in love with her, but she wasn't into him, ergo, i was an arsehole...
me with my bestie, she's dating a guy, me: OMG i am so f**king glad you've met someone who makes you happy... I am a naive idiot no?

Nov 5, 2024 01:19

Lexi did you read the article? It said men do prioritize the superior, they write different messages to women they see as more valuable. It said they write longer messages to those women. Yeah they do scorched earth and swipe on everyone but when they actually match who are they choosing to message with?

Like if you swipe right on 100 women and match with five, and 1 is really attractive and the rest are "meh" who do you message first? How much effort do you put in your messaging with that girl vs the others? Did you bother messaging all five? The study was about selection and messaging, not just swiping. I would bet you'd put more effort than just "hey" or "wyd" to the one you thought was a total prize.

Nov 5, 2024 01:27

Ah i see, i know what you're saying now.

Me personally i generally speak to people the same, but i defo can imagine some men might be nervous and act differently to someone more attractive.

Nov 5, 2024 01:33

But then THAT ALSO is another freaking thing, i mean i've spoken and gotten with some utter babes in my time, and i didn't see them as some "unobtainable" unicorn? but my perceptions of things, could class as utter confidence? but i don't pedistool them?
And then your own energy makes such a difference. Some of us boys can't see past the tip of our d**k, but also i'm utterly trash at online dating, so my luck has been terrible, where in real life.... heh.

Nov 5, 2024 01:36

Yeah, it's saying we focus more effort on people we perceived as better catches than ourselves. How we do it is different but both genders put more effort into wooing people more attractive. The article said both men and women who receive messages from people less attractive than themselves are less likely to respond to them than people more on parr or higher than themselves. Basically article says we all want better than ourselves ideally lmao

Nov 5, 2024 01:38

@Malkie true! I've seen it around that if you act like you're a good catch and project confidence people will believe you.

And no, taking out headphones isn't enough lol. I am biased but I have no problems .among the first move, it's how I caught Walt lol! I shot first, like Han Solo, and he enjoyed it 😂

Nov 5, 2024 01:38

The reason why i was focusing more on "generally" is because putting more effort into better is just common sense really.

Nov 5, 2024 01:42

@lexi and Malkie the article also backs your guys experience, it said that men going overboard with the women they saw as most valuable was not an effective strategy, except in the Seattle sample group (no idea why Seattle is different). So basically, whatever you do with other chicks, just do that with the 10/10 girls too, it's more likely to work than writing a novel to them or simping. So basically, putting people on pedestals doesn't work.

Nov 5, 2024 01:54

Yeah for sure, i figured this out when i was like 20 and after a certain amount of time it just becomes who you are. Directors and Ceos love me as well because i talk to them just like anybody else. We are all people.

Little side ramble but i found it funny when Elon Musk was on Joe Rogan, and Elon asked if they could order pizza, and that video went super viral, and people were going crazy in the comment section just because they was enjoying a pizza together. I was sat there thinking, yes...billionaires like pizza too, it shouldn't be so surprising. Funny that people were so fascinated by it.

Nov 5, 2024 01:56

I'm a confusing creature though, i AM an idiot... I've had times where girls have been simply "friendly sweet and nice" and gotten stupid being like, they're so into me. Yet had to go back and go "uh she was being nice you dunderhead" but also treating the ladies like "people" not objects is a thing?

But girls can be awful also, i remember one night sitting alone, girl comes up, you should buy me a drink, i'm watching as her friends are like "we should go else where" so i said to her, why am i doing that? You guys are leaving? and you just want one last free shot first. She got REALLY annoyed. And left with her friends.

I think we're all freaking idiots, biased and in some cases our information is SO off point it hurts, but gods damn, if this girl i met, lies in lap like cat... i'm still an idiot, me: is she into me? lol

HeartbreakBeat

Nov 5, 2024 01:57

"Out of my league", is an expression, that's all. There is nothing wrong with approaching someone that you feel may be "out of your league." If you're confident, squared away, and not afraid of rejection, then i guess no-one is out of your league.

However, it is mostly men that tend to show some guts in that approach and women just s**t on us.

Nov 5, 2024 01:59

I cannot imagine ever having the audacity to go up to a random man and demand he buy me a drink. Entitled much?

Nov 5, 2024 02:03

@heartbreak I had a guy s**t on me for being on this site minding my own business. He sent me a message saying I was old and nobody wanted me... Just totally un-prompted. He was also older than me so like ..... Bro if I am old so are you. My point is we get s**t on too. Don't feel too discouraged 😂

Nov 5, 2024 02:03

I'm not sure why people are being afraid of admitting that there are "leagues" i'm sorry but let's be real and honest, Megan Fox is objectively superior in almost every single way to Lizzo as an example. Brad Pitt is objectively better than Danny Devito in the dating market. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging this.

Nov 5, 2024 02:27

And hey! There are outliers who'd say Lizzo is hotter, or Danny Devito... If no one found them attractive they'd always be single and that's not the case.

Nov 5, 2024 02:32

Sure leagues are a thing, but i simply don't care? i'm a talk and do as i want, no f**ks to give. People ask me about it all the time, you don't care do you? nope.

But again biased opinions, girls s**t on us, yeah cause they're not allowed to not be into you. You can literally walk past the most perfect person for you, but because of some random factor, you don't notice them. Works both ways also. Some people just have STUPID attitudes, oh she wasn't into me "HOW DARE SHE" Which then i want to smack that idiot in the head and say WHAT THE f**k IS WRONG WITH YOU...

Why can't girls and boys be friends? we f**king can... some of us are just so freaking deluded, girls are for s*xing, not people, boys are for giving me money so i can do my thing... Some people.... just have s**tTY attitudes...

Nov 5, 2024 02:41

We have bad experiences, and those can utterly break us.. But how you move on from it? some wallow some climb above.

I've bulls**tted on enough for one day... But depressing is watching incel types get therapy to break the mould, we're biased towards each other, forgetting we're both different in mentality. Sometimes things just get lost in translation.

Psychopatrish

Nov 5, 2024 07:44

I've never been more relieved to not ever care to navigate swiping left or right or matches or keeping up with expected replies. Please do not explain as I'm also happy to remain ignorant on that schooling.

Online dating sounds exhausting and horrible. It must be producing positive results sometimes? There are so many platforms it seems. Yikes.

If someone messaged me a mere, "Hi. How are you" on here......wait, who am I kidding , WHEN they do, I'll try to reply with at least a "Hello I'm well ty for asking. Hope you are well also." And I only emphasize "when" cause, like, I get it, coming up with something witty isn't a given. Nothing wrong with a meek opener?

Those sort of off putting attempts don't offend me, I'm not on here iso anything. But, I AM on here, so why shouldn't I reply? I'm nobody special and that person took the time to reach out, even a little. Respect. It's not that time consuming.

It is interesting to observe the feedback, especially on the forum. Like, people who tend to complain or generalize how lame the rest of the site is, or those go- nowhere DMs that fizzle out without injury to either party. The maniacal political or incel rants devoid of emotional intelligence. All these red flags present rather quickly. A brief entertainment.

I still prefer irl meetings. And I'm with Malk, I'm pretty secure in who I am with or without a partner. Also I can be sort of oblivious and/or a dịck, but that's OK too.

My ex once told me I was a snob bc I told him if he hadn't had a job when we 1st met it would've been a hard pass. We'll fack all that noise. If you're able bodied and you want to court me ya best get your shiz straight. If I can work and support myself, why wouldn't I lose interest in a slug?
Not saying dude has to be rich cause that's nice and all, but you can't buy me either.

I've felt intimidated by some guys I've dated early on for different reasons, intellectual or what have you. But I don't consider anyone out of my league nor vice versa Rather narcissistic and sad to have to catalog each other? Meh.

Champing at the bit, I think it is, btw. Sorry, I'm sort of a dìck like that, member?🤷‍♀️
Perhaps all the talk about being caked, shaking that laffy taffy and the thirsty trend has we 'Mericans confused and turning to chomping? I also may be a little high. 🌬🌳

NOW. Who wants to message me? 👋 Make it brilliantly funny, witty and instantly intriguing, or I may have to shît on you like a basic bítch or something something........

Daddy Gru

Nov 5, 2024 08:08

I’d message you, Trish. Oh if only I were single and lived in Philly. Alas, in some alternate universe, we’re in a torrid relationship right now, moving time and space and solving the world’s problems one psychedelic makeout sesh at a time.

But actually, Trish illustrates a point I would make in answering this question myself in that I view her as an intellectual equal or superior, which is something I have always found very attractive and interesting. In my “serious” dating modes when I was single and not simply looking to fück, this is a big part of how I set my tier levels, not just looks. After all, if you’re after more than sēx, you need to shoot for a person you can actually talk to and whose mind you can explore. My wife was my pursuit for years because not only did I think she was hot, she was ambitious and intelligent and interested in a lot of different things to what I was interested in. To me she was something to aspire to.

Also not surprising to see some of the incel-adjacent responses here. Dudes, figure your shït out, you’re not a victim. If I can do it being the most average motherfücker on the planet, so can you.

wcole

Nov 5, 2024 09:47

@Neon Bright Star It does not matter what you think but the fact remains that more women tend to go higher above their league because of the gain. A man can be at the higher level of a career and would still choose a janitor woman. It doesn't happen in the case of women.

Nov 5, 2024 11:52

Oh don't even get me f**king started on wanting just s*x, had a girl who was f**king married be like "So FWB" me f**k NO... you're f**king married and i'd feel like the s**t on my shoe before during and after... The funny was her friends disowned me because she had feelings... SERIOUSLY!?!?!?

But as per that smarts part, it still is hurtful when you're all about a girl, and need to convince her i'm anything but bored, she was a f**king artist, i even said, i can't draw or paint, i only got me words, if i could do what you do? Gladly that jolted her out of that mood.

This topic really shows people and their... uh... views... shall we say heh.

Nov 5, 2024 17:11

Wcole men go for higher league in looks and age. Hence why old ass bald fat men shoot their shot with hot college girls. Get over it. If you could see some of the dudes who shot their shot with me.... I don't think I'm that special but I had men older enough to be my dad (and not silver foxes at that) hit on me.... I would say that's seriously over shooting your league.

Nov 5, 2024 17:17

What I am finding is that people being hyper defensive about this post also have some really pissy attitudes towards the opposite gender. Just gonna throw this out there but the common denominator in your dating failures is you. Reflect on that. Maybe you're guilty of shooting too high above your league and need to self assess what YOU bring to the relationship table. Being a malcontent with a bad attitude is not going to help your rizz.

Daddy Gru

Nov 5, 2024 17:24

Incel vibes from the usual suspects.

Wolfboy20

Nov 5, 2024 17:37

This thread reminded me of how sad the human race as a whole is 😭. And that I don't understand modern "slang" like rizz or whatever lol

BBB

Nov 5, 2024 20:17

How do you know what league you're in? I'd consider myself average on a good day, rough most of the time, but I've done very well for myself in the past. I'm neither rich nor talented, so I guess I just got very lucky?

Nov 5, 2024 22:34

Does it class as ignorance not knowing your lane? o_0

Nov 5, 2024 22:43

You don't even need to know your lane, as long as you have the mentality of always trying to be better for yourself and the people around you, then you'll do fine.