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I've been thinking 🤔

I've been thinking 🤔

Theeoldways37 Created Apr 25, 2025 19:42
6 Comments

I was under the impression for many years that I needed friends, I don't feel like that now, I do know that a minimum of social interaction is needed to a certain extent but can be sated by other means if necessary eg pets really help with social isolation etc. So anyway I've been looking in from the outside really looking indepth at the dynamics of it all, the friendship setup so to speak and all I can see is horrible human beings faking niceties to the face if so called friends and the running them down behind their backs. Now granted I have only been studying friendship groups in a work setting. My experience outside of work well it beggers belief, I saw a goth family literally 20 minutes ago in the supermarket a child dressed goth and two parents. Now I wouldn't describe myself as a goth, more gothic in certain but to someone who didn't really k ow me and only saw me at face value they would say yes I was a goth, well anyway I saw this what I thought was a lovely looking goth family and I smiled as if to say ahh you have a lovely family and the woman looked at me like I'd just tried to kidnap her son or something. And he just stared right through me. And then a thought occurd to me, am I really missing out on having no friends. I really am happier than I've ever been and I am completely at ease with me, I don't have to care about anyone but me, but more importantly I won't get trodden on and backstabbed, I won't have to shrink myself for anyone again, and I an be myself completely. I have the weekend d of and I can do what the hell i please, ( I'm going to the gym and then shopping) but it's everything i want to do tomorrow without having to accommodate anyone else and I'm not lonely in the slightest, so am I, am I really missing out not having friends. What are your thoughts, do you feel the same or do you think I am missing out? If there were any spelling mistakes well s**t happens.

 

This topic has 6 comments

Slothpenguin

Apr 25, 2025 21:00

It's hard to find friends as you get older, especially into the alt scene. It's not a requirement but they tint to like the same places as me.
I've kinda settled I to my own routine, like you i do what i want, the thought of going out on a Saturdays night downt really appeal but I'd like the options of going out. Most people have kids and grandkid that i lnow.

Theeoldways37

Apr 25, 2025 21:07

I really appreciate your answer, it is very hard to find friends, especially on the same wave length. I agree it would be good to have the option. Do you have friends how did you make them and at 44 should I just stop looking?

Slothpenguin

Apr 25, 2025 23:28

For me its a bit harder, I don't work and don't go many places due to health. I have a few friends, one js an old school friend who I ended up back in contact with, others through mutual Facebook groups before Facebook got so showy, look how perfect ny life is!
I'd try getting in contact with old friends, catch up and see who the conversation flows with.

Eoten

Apr 26, 2025 00:52

Why would you waste your time thinking when you have perfectly good TV and social media to do all that for you?

💖 Neon™ Waifu 💖

Apr 26, 2025 01:01

I can't make friends. I've kind of accepted that I am just not likeable and have nothing to offer

Midnight Ruffles

Apr 26, 2025 08:28

I can be hermit like. Not that I necessarily stay home all the time, but I appreciate an abnormal amount of alone time. I think it's part my temperament, & maybe part truama.

When I go out in real life strangers, work colleagues etc.. want to make friends with me & tell me there woes. There must be something about me irl, that has you can trust me, & you're safe with me, written on my forehead. Which is fine, I do feel kind of honoured they trust me, because I am trust worthy, & I have no interested in gossiping about others, & causing trouble of any kind, & I do enjoy occasionally trying to understand others, & I do give a s**t, about people. My ex's partners cousin who was a psychologist, said to me once, I've observed you're a really good listener.

The part where I might come across as an arsehole. Is I'm very picky with who I'm close with, not that I hate people, most the time I'm indifferent. Just majority of people drain me, they either expect to much of me, social energy, energy I don't or can't give, without pouring to much energy from myself, & things I need to do. I get really socially exhausted. So I find it best to find people, I share a lot of the same values, & interests with. I feel comfortable with them, & I feel the time we spend together more worthwhile, because where bouncing ideas off each other.

So it's not that I can't make friends. It's just most of the time I don't want too. I have 3 close friends I pour into & vice versa. Perhaps I'll make another one day, but we would need to have a lot in common.

Also I attract different people online then irl, possibly your online persona is very different then how you come across irl I think. 80 percent body language, communication accounts for a lot I think. 😊 Definitely something where missing online, not to mention tone of voice, on top of that.

 

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