Am a man who takes care of his severely disabled mother.
I'm kind, generous, loving, and artistic.
my art is almost always darkened by heavy overtones of death.
most of lifes most beautiful experiences I find are made better with a hinted death wish.
I'm not all dark shadows. I can be comical at times. also at times I do show a brightness.
I know that since I live with my mother and father. most people will read that first line and pass me by. and most also won't live anywhere near me. I do have as much hope as the fact that I will finally die one night. I'm not suicidal for the most I do wish death to find me soon. but I would never commit suicide. my mind has been through a great deal of torture. back in 1995 I had an accident in my truck. my brain was damaged. as well as my wrists were shattered. also my left femur was broke in half. my wounds healed but the pain remains. my mind however I don't believe will ever heal. I've been dealing with a mixture of schizophrenia and bi polar disorder since I woke up in the hospital 3 weeks after the accident. there's a name for the disorder schizoaffective. what this means is that I hear and see things that are not real and I have some emotional issues. through over 10 years of mental therapy, counseling, and medicine. I've learned how to deal with these problematic influences being in my mind. the hardest thing that I've had to do is to learn how to ignore the way I think I should react to situations, and hold onto the way I'm supposed to react. I've learned to ignore most of my initial emotional reactions. some emotions that do not get ignored are sympathy, pleasure, caring, sorrow, and happiness though seldom most of the time I do not ignore it when it comes.
