I am the protagonist of a life full of exhilaration and tragedies, and it is partly absurd simply because half of it were not of my own making. My life has a vitality of its own, for it never runs out of surprises both in good and negative ways. Some of them left me anguished and broken. Whatever I do, it seems that mine continuously dances with the outside forces that enfold my less expecting fates. Those negative forces insistently trying to bring me down, make me feel miserable and worthless. And worst, almost stealing my well-preserved sanity. But even I am sometimes gullible and trusting, as an experienced woman that I am, my tolerance level has become compliant, acquired several defenses to apply for, for me to continue breathing…loving...hurting…bleeding…living and brave life’s complexities that are offering me in mouthfuls.
I, myself, once a very sheltered and fragile child and I couldn’t imagine that I would suffer and experience bouts of great pain, already enough for several life time. Then again, I am constantly convincing myself to believe that somehow, after all these weariness, difficulties, anguish and heartbreaks, the time will come and all these torments and melancholia would finally end.
All my virtues are slipping away, along with my dying hope, along with my flickering faith and along with my beauty within. I sought refuge in the dark, avoiding to rekindle with the people and conditions who have caused me sorrow.
Looking back from almost four decades of my existence, the most precious things that I learned are: everything good is costly. And my evolution is one of the costliest of all things. It did cost me my innocence, my illusion, my certainty and my beauty. I take hold of my epiphany: this life is not made for reliving but a life that makes my soul forgiving.
In this nothingness, I found refuge;
In this life, I found you;
In Darkness, I found myself.
