I've been working on a farm for my whole life.
I love nature and animals, especially wild ones. My dog is my best friend. She likes to wear a frog costume; it keeps her warm. I've had a lot of strange pets, like a squirrel and a groundhog.
I enjoy simple things like hiking, camping, climbing trees, etc.
I prefer to be nocturnal.
Currently I'm working at petsmart and just got a second job doing security at concerts and sporting events.
I was in college with straight A's, but I just sort of stopped going to class and dropped out with one semester left.
Im back in school now with the long term goal of studying quantum physics, astrophysics, chemistry, calculus, etc.
I dont read much but I enjoy philosophy. Plato, Descartes, Nietzsche. My favorite book is One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
I'm an existential, moral, and epistemological nihilist.
I spend a lot of time thinking about the meaning of life and why the f**k I exist, so that's why I like studying all the fields that attempt to explain how the universe works.
Music is extremely important to me. I listen to many forms of rock/metal but my favorite genres are Black Metal, DSBM, Post Black Metal, Depressive Rock, Narcotic Metal. Anything beautiful and emotional with deep philosophical lyrics. I listen to a lot of underground bands from all over the world. Some of my favorites are one-man bands from third world countries. I'm teaching myself guitar and keyboard. I only speak English but I memorize a lot of lyrics and enjoy singing in many languages such as: Old Norse, Icelandic, Norwegian, Swedish, German, Portuguese, Japanese
My current favorite bands are Apati, Ofdrykkja, Vanhelga, Psychonaut 4. I'll be extremely surprised if you've ever heard of any of these bands.
I play a lot of video games. All genres and systems, I have a lot of old stuff like NES/Genesis. My favorite are rpgs, anything with adventure or fantasy. Something where I can create a fictional life for myself that is better than the reality I live in.
I'll always love pokemon. Mainly first generation.
I mainly watch cartoons/comedy/anime. Anything on Adultswim.
Squidbillies, ATHF, Xavier: Renegade Angel, Drinky Crow, Boondocks, Black Jesus, Eric Andre, Sealab, Rick and Morty, Mighty Boosh, Fat Guy Stuck in Internet, Saul of the Molemen, Assy Mcgee, Adventure Time, Spongebob, Beavis and Butthead, Daria, Wonder Showzen, Sword Art, Inuyasha, Attack on Titan, Cowboy Bebop, South Park, Tosh.0, etc.
My ideal girlfriend would also be my best friend. The only person in the world who I can talk to openly about anything. If we fall in love my entire world will revolve around you. I really need someone with common interests to hang out with. Either go on an adventure and f**k around climbing trees, get high and play video games, or just cuddle and talk. Cuddling is my favorite
Endless song lyric quotes that explain my life better than I can: (translated to English, as most are in other languages.)
"I understand my failure as a human being
Created for dying … But not destined
To comprehend life" -Photophobia
"It was 3:00 in the morning. I couldnt sleep. All of the same thoughts kept racing through my mind over and over and over again. I just wanted them to stop. Period.
I came in here to your hospital asking you people to please help me...
So I do not kill myself...
Depressive thoughts hung like dark clouds
I'm tried of this endless insomnia
I'm tired of your sad poems
I'm tired of seeming normal
No more strength to drink til the limit
And no more strength to stop the drinking
No more strength to hold onto anything
My whole world just isn't mine
Not even any will left to cry
I just don't feel alive anymore" Sweet Decadence by Psychonaut 4
"The essence of each solitary idea
is unhappiness, misery, and pain.
Where sorrow still at least harbors hope,
a bright spot between dark images,
despair is my only companion .
only Through this pain
I know my life!
A pain that keeps me alive
prevents the awaited suicide
in order to test all the sufferings
which my wretched existence
can endure and cope. -Through the Pain
"As empty as every tear running down my feature
Cold and inherent before such agony
To see you go...
My life is a disgrace
I never asked to be born , I'm just a burden in the world" -Lamúria Abissal
"When is the last time you saw me smile?
Do you understand the love I feel?
The only thing that feels real
But it all fell apart
when you lost the will to fight" -Through My Veins by Vanhelga
"Mixed feelings of happiness and total darkness dances in my soul
What is the meaning of all this?
Why does the food that I put in my mouth feel like fuel?
Fuel for this sickness that is called life" -Overklighet by Vanhelga
"life is a sexually transmitted disease
So I know you'll understand, that I'd rather see it reduced than increased" -Ofdrykkja
"Negativity streams through my sick body,
dark winds of dreamy lands soothe.
Insignificant treatment,
my soul will stay in grief" -Oppressive Nights in Mental Asylum by Life is Pain
"Feel my dedication
In this calm before the storm
every day feels so heavy
as an imminent suicide
is so much more than a fantasy
Thoughts and empty words in which I no longer recognize myself" Välkommen in by Vanhelga
"Overdose was the best way to die" -Psychonaut 4
"To try finding that smile on me
Would just be useless now" -Lämna mig ifred by Apati (lyrics contributed by Lifelover)
"Put an end to an endless darkness
Let me forget about an unavoidable death
Drown my memories, thoughts and goals
Delete all the wrong turns and mistakes I've made
Take me to where I avoid this suffering
And this anxiety
To the place I've created in my mind
Which actually has no existence
Built by anxiety, created by hate
What is the point of dreaming
When I know it's just pathetic wishful thinking anyways
Let me float beyond the walls of life
Let my tears stiffen and let my pulse stop beating
Take away my ridiculous wish to keep on breathing
Let me dream myself away in an artificial sleep
And please, let me never wake up again" -Verklighetsflykt är min verklighet by Apati
"My breakfast is yet another beer, to be able to go back to sleep
Tomorrow is cancelled, in lack of interest" -Morgondagen by Apati
"The man I once was is gone
Nowadays, I am a monster
Driven by forces you never want to understand
But even I have loved
Anxiety can make one so tired
You lose as well as the willingness to try
You can not understand how it is
To only be a shadow of myself
...
Feeling a little warmer inside
And I think that this is the only love
I ever get to experience" -I Skuggan Av Mig Själv by Ofdrykkja
"Getting drunk again next to the black river
Breaking free from thoughts that were making me shiver
Lately I find it difficult to tell reality from dreams
...
I just wish I could sleep all the f**king time
As I tend to f**k my life up when I´m awake" -Into The Streams Of The Black River by Ofdrykkja
"I wish we were far away from all this sorrow
in the world that pain had no place, had no meaning,
even in our dreams
I still remember the wailing of trees
their wailing, to live beside the sinister humanity... " -Marsh of Wishes by Ekove Efrits
"I'm not one of those who believe in fate
I am one of those who are looking for fleeting pleasures
I'm just a nobody.
I'm not one of those who survive to old age.
I'm not looking for an explanation to my dreams,
From them I had an attack of fatigue
Grayness of everyday life
You have no one and nothing.
Alcoholism, also known as alcohol use disorder, is a broad term for problems with ethanol (commonly referred to as alcohol), and generally refers to alcohol addiction, which is the compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcoholic beverages, usually detrimental to the drinker's health, personal relationships, and social annex. It is medically considered as a disease; specifically, an addictive illness. There are two main types of alcohol misuse: Alcohol dependence and Alcohol abuse. Alcohol misuse has the potential to damage almost every organ in the body, including the brain. The effects of chronic alcohol abuse can cause both medical and psychiatric problems. One who has alcoholism, is called... an alcoholic." -Alcoholism by Psychonaut 4
"There is no hope in this flesh
All existence is relative
Embrace nihilistic purity
Only negative emotions are real
You will feel the terror of humanities curse
The pain of existence" -Lyrinx
"I cling to the memories
That together we have written
And perhaps it is you who has won
For I hate that we were left here alone, for ourselves
after the death years.
We shall see hell soon, my brothers
we shall see hell soon -Ensam kvar efter dödens år by Ofdrykkja, dedicated to Fredrik Wolff Obehag (R.I.P 2011, Methadone overdose, 22 years old)
Ephemeral Rain by Pale's Winter. No lyrics, just a beautiful solo instrumental piano piece that inspired me to learn keyboard.
A Beautiful Song of Never Reached Dreams -Instrumental piece by Hanging Garden
Jag finner inga svar.
Finns det några svar?
Det finns inga svar! -Mental Central Dialog by Lifelover
