I’m looking for someone I could never find on a mainstream dating app owned by the parasitic and monopolistic Match Group (hooray for its tanking stock price). Same goes for Bumble.
I’m open to long distance and international connections. Escaping Trumpland sounds fantastic, even though the impact of the ignoramus is global and inescapable.
As far as interests are concerned, some of my simplest pleasures include brutal mythological occult metal (Absu will forever be the greatest band there ever was \m/), schlocky horror movies with no artistic merit (my collection on disc is constantly growing; streaming has its place but will always be inferior to physical media), low quality overpriced foodstuffs in moderation (I primarily eat a Mediterranean diet but occasionally indulge in a fried Twinkie, fried Oreo or what I interpret to be banana pudding from my local eatery run by felons), index funds (active management is a joke and preys on the ignorant), DOOM (greatest video game series of all time with all the ripping and tearing, spiderdemons, cyberdemons, and archdemons oh my), the StairMaster (I wake up at 4:30am 6 days a week to do 65 minutes while listening to my favorite albums to clear my head), reading the news (I read the Financial Times since it is heaps above the competition even when it comes to non-financial news and I think quality journalism is worth paying for), and getting 8 hours of sleep a night.
Now that the least important information is out of the way, here’s the important stuff:
I’m child free and never want children. For a multitude of reasons. To reduce my environmental impact on planet Earth, to have more financial freedom and hopefully retire at a younger age, but most importantly to piss off Elon Musk.
I’m an atheist and despise organized religion (you will never find me in a place of worship unless it’s for a funeral). I promise I will never have an epiphany to become a born again believer.
I’m not into non-monogamy and am strictly monogamous. I’m seeking a lifelong companion. Having similar interests is ideal but having the same values is far more important.
I’m straight edge and don’t consume any alcohol or drugs. I’m too health conscious.
I’ve never been married but am open to it with the right person. Perhaps for the tax benefits. Or perhaps for gaining citizenship in another country more easily.
I’m socially liberal. Pro-choice, pro-LGBTQ+, pro-science, not into astrology but believe non-human intelligence exists somewhere in the cosmos. The universe would be much more interesting with extraterrestrial and interdimensional non-human intelligence running amok.
I understand this site primarily consists of scammers and fake profiles (I’ve experienced this first hand). However, I know there is at least a small chance for me to find a genuine connection with someone as I endure the scourge that is humanity. The problem with dating apps and sites is not just the companies themselves but the endless amounts of blank or sparse profiles with little information, or even worse, profiles with nothing but regurgitated memes from TikTok and no personality.
To those who include a lot of information on their profiles, thank you for being a breath of fresh air and making an attempt to connect with someone on a deeper level. I’ll probably infest my profile with more sludge as I think of more details to add and take advantage of the lack of character limits.
If you’re interested after reading all that you’re at least slightly unhinged which is exactly what I’m looking for.
