My name is George.
I am a neurotic mess, but I'm dealing with it on my own terms.
I struggle with how to present myself, I have self-image problems, like a lotta people, I reckon.
I'm a belligerent pessimist with a busted head.
I don't know which caused the other.
I have been offered all sorts of behavioral diagnoses, which I have declined in favor of taking responsibility for my own horrible personality.
I'm sometimes a big old mean chud on the internet, but in person I'm quite genial, even to strange gender-things and Karen from H.R.
Go figure; the internet brings out the worst in people.
I'm willing to consider this neutral ground, and refrain from being a big mean s**tposting menace.
When I'm not being terminally online, I actually like to do nature s**t.
Old churches and castles and battlefields, and burial mounds are the places I love best.
I like to cook (actually pretty good), play guitar (kinda badly), write (s**tty) poems, smoke trees, play videogames, and tabletop and pen and paper roleplaying games (I aspire to design these, I have a lot of notes, but I get distracted writing stories and worldbuilding), and getting banned on social media for having the wrong opinion.
I eat way too much icecream (pistachio), but I'm naturally skinny, so I'll probably just get diabeetus.
I have great friends, and I love them all, and if you wanna be my friend, I'm sure you'll love them too.
I want to meet girls, because they are pretty and I am magnetically attracted to them for biological reasons, but also, anybody who can hold a tune, or a paintbrush or pencil will never be turned away out of hand.
I also appreciate cake, and bawdy rhymes.
If I try to show you my Warhammer miniatures, just run, I'm not kidding, people say I get this look in my eye and I start to foam at the mouth as I describe their backstories and the decision making process behind their colour schemes.
There is no medication to treat this, but I haven't resorted to exorcism yet.
***s**tty Poems***
Charles;
The king, I'm told, is blind and lame
You might to say it is a shame
For if he looked or walked about
I think he'd stub the buggers out
Who gnaw the sinews on the bone
and say there is no English stone
for Englishmen to call a home
as sits he on a burning throne.
Loser Haiku;
Loss is a teacher
But victory nourishes
Losers are all frail
But winners are all foolish
Frail and foolish men
Come together in this world
To make great mistakes
Blank Verse;
In the dark, I cannot see.
Who's hand am I holding here?
I squeeze you, and you squeeze me.
Words can only cheapen things.
To an empty room;
When I say that I am sad.
But I smile through it
Sit down beside me and frown
Although you are happy.
Baka-Jisei;
Dead man's switch goes off
Ten thousand nuclear bombs
Dropped on your fat mum
Untitled;
Soft white hands, like a gentle ghost.
Play my memory like a toy harp.
You are gone, but I feel you still.
The hour chimes, and the image dims.
But I remember kissing you
Among the tiny green frogs.
Limericks;
There once was a man from Dudley
Who hung up his wife from a tree
He left her all night but she came down alright
And now she is seven foot three.
I once met a man from Beirut
Who said "There's a bomb in my boot"
He whipped out his gat, it went rat-a-tat-tat
And he drove off while bunnin' a zoot
Prayer of an idiot;
Spare me Lord, from fear of death
And fear of growing old.
From fear of never being loved
And life that's long and cold.
The road is dark, the path has forked,
I do not know the way.
For I was born at midnight,
And I have not seen the day.
Untitled;
I am a decent person
I do what I am told
I praise the men I'm told to praise
And scold the ones to scold
I am the very smartest
As smart as smart can be
For no-one ever followed rules
As doggedly as me.
I am an honest person
The truth does not exist
And certainty is wickedness
And ignorance is bliss
Opinions are facts as well
If they're the ones I like
I only have to scream them loud
And bang your doors at night.
I am a modern person
My opinions are all new
I know no past nor future
And I haven't got a clue
I look down on "unenlightened times"
And "unenlightened folk"
But I never go to see them,
'Cause they laugh and call me "woke".
Autistic haiku:
Internet is f**k
Society is a scam
There is no escape
You glow in the dark
But I am Vantablack Coal
You cannot see me
Nobody cares now
If you s**t by the roadside
People are dogs too
God is in pieces
Don't tread on them carelessly
I'll cut your feet off
Conspiracy man
Vindicated by footage;
Bigfoot with Epstein
Real men eat pussy
s**tfire and hallelujah
We all gonna die
