I am a painter and a business man
This means that I am usually very busy
But beneath this, a loneliness, a longing, a reaching toward the dreamlike eternity
Truly, the only place where I feel
My love was murdered and I search for her constantly, walking in the quiet places of the world
Sometimes I hear her
She speaks to me
Through the heavy mists of the morning when the veil is at its thinnest
Through the beauty of the tiny moments of beauty that occur
Through the imagined scent of her perfumes, the nectar of existence, the craving for her closeness
Flowers scream her passion to me and the lost hope of embrace
Birds and small creatures beg the world for our union and our unconceived child presses the boundaries of the real, begging to be born, the flower of flesh and blood and the hope of all things
Perfect love
Bourne of salvation and out of darkness
From the darkest place sprang forth the sweetest flower whose perfume is rare and intoxicating
Now I seek only to give
To gift all that I am and all that I ever had the potential to be to the void
I fling it willingly into the blackness of eternity in hope
All that I have is poetry and painting and this is what I must use to fight, this is my blessing and my curse
My arms are open to the cold embrace of a bleakness more terrifying than loneliness and hate
To swallow the greyness and still believe
Still travel hopefully
Death has touched me and I care not
Now there is no fear
Because I have known love
Found the secret world in beautiful wishes and dared to dive inside
Now I am eternal
Sadness has its own beauty
And while I remain I will glorify she who saved me and walk in the cruelty of corporeality with a beautiful secret inside
My eyes are bright and my cheek is pale
And the dawn blushes beautifully
