For people wondering about me just ask I'm a walking library and that's how I see my mind. However s**t happens right? My likes are listed after my poems
For what is the shadow? For what am ''I'' ? says the Magi
Even if this lost reality, is a mer delusion of mine, it's not only that,but feeling a lively solitude of peace and happiness, it's a nice change for once. However so, better than feeling a bladed vortex across inside your internal body, like an empty space in your internal core. Even if such, feeling such fuzziness, ooze and warmness I feel alive. A wolf wanting to feel alive? You might call me a sorrowful being, pitiful for wanting such desires but I can't seem to live this life anymore. Not such sorrowful but a howl of change and being wanted. I always wanted love but I always danced in the allusions of the shadows I was always stuck in the abyss, the abyss stage always carried a static that edge across me consuming who I really was, I kept dragging myself like a sick wolf across the abyss always struggling grasping anything I could for a sense of escape and some kind of reward for fighting onward. I seem to notice as a wolf when I'm in dire sickness the Lunar seems to bless me before my soul of a wolf breaks into nothing, O'' so I shall see the Lunar wants to keep torturing me to make sure I become in check with my senses to become a stronger wolf than I once was, self reflection of knowing happiness is here and it's not some faded reality of mine I can feel certainty of this happiness, you either keep going in this realm or you drown in the abyss and become the forgotten sun. O'' Lunar reflection wolf blood stains the crystal floor, the pool oozes wolf blood, O'' tainted one you once bore of yourself of the shadow will be erased, self based Lunar reflections, is this some kind of sick trick on the behalf of my own wolf self? Ah! I never want to lose this feeling of mine if this is some trickery so be this so, but I will see this love through out the end of time, I never want to lose you, more or so looking upon the Lunar itself you've blessed me, but you always bless me when I'm almost dead is this what will carry on? Without you go ahead and put me in a Lunar catalyst core and put me into a sweet coma, sing me the Lunar, hum to me put me into a deep sleep Lunar One, Put me into a coma were I will never wake up, go ahead and stab me with the Banisher blade I know one day I'll prob will deserve this, I desire so much and yet you see me as a family, you probably wouldn't even have the guts to properly put me into a Lunar coma, the Lunar humming it's almost like floating drowning deep in the Lunar Pool, at least my last thoughts will be of you, all I ask of you, Lunar one is please let me drown with the one I love, even if it's just for one moment, My paw against my lover, all I ever wanted even if it's meant slipping , fear haunts me. I know I'm a cursed being of the shadows, but whatever takes me, please let this be with you, the wolf cries into a sorrowful despair a howl that sounds like death O'' sweet death if you ever do come to me, please let me spend one more time with the love of my life, then Lunar One lull me into a deep slumber afterwards never waking up, the thought of you gone will be a frozen crystal catalyst core for me, O'' Lunar one please keep me going, I know I studied you and your kind, I followed your orders one by one, you took me into your pretty 4 wings, please grab me drown me into the moonlight if it's torture at least I can get rid of this shadow I once bore, just to see a new start of reality, even if so a Magi of myself I want a new chapter in my book library of my thoughts, flipping the pages madly I think of you so, and so I want to keep doing so, I walk onto the blood stained crystal floor my wolf self dragging slowly and as my body lays limp the thought of you always races through my mind, I see your face through the Lunar reflection. Finally, I will keep fighting for this journey no matter how or how hard the challenge is, but my life is with you, but if whatever happens, I will take the curse burden on me and suffocate myself in the sweet moonlight, if the Lunar wants me, at least my final wish will be always let me see you, life without you is meaningless, O'' Lunar one don't let me down, I stare into the Lunar Pool with tiny drops of wolf blood and stare on the the reflection of us, I never want that to go away, whatever happens I want that to be with you, even if it's one last loving embrace, you are all I ever wanted, you will be the last one I want to be with to see if this wolf ever does go into a Lunar Coma, O'' take my paw and please go with me wherever I go never let me go, even if it's drowning somewhere deep into the abyss at least my final moment will be with you, I will close this chapter in my book library mind of mine I've finally found you, thank you for giving me a chance at life once again, oh such sweet solitude.
This place feels dead here. The flowers are rotten. The ground is everything bone and carcass. There is a death seed formed by a oak hollow branched tree with many branches. Where here death plays a sorrowful tune of suicide. The nooses form all over my body as I hold a noose close to me in my hand I look at the moon gazed across the oak hollow tree. So this is what death feels like isn't that so? Forsaken ''One'' I sit against the the oak hollow tree hearing the screams of the suicidal spirits a tune a hum that sounds like a despair of death itself spiraling. You know this tree belongs with many nooses, many indeed hanging across all the oak hollowed boned out branches, the noose of death, the noose of the suicidal spirits hung on all the branches. Oh what a beautiful tree you're. I look over I see a big black static wolf. His paws crushing the bones underneath him. His crimson eyes gaze at me. Telepathic thoughts come through ''Sister!!!'' he comes to me sitting beside me as I pet his beautiful handsome coat. I lay against his fur sighing and looking at the noose I've in my hand and I look into his crimson eyes. Brother I'm really scared! I nuzzle into his fur! I'm so scared of loosing this feeling I've! I feel like I'm in love! I shake his fur as he lets out a puff understanding my emotions! Losing this! As well as losing all these feelings!! Clinches the noose I hear a higher melody as the ''Night'' sings even more as I stare into my big brother's crimson eyes as the death pedals soar across us brother without you and the one I love how could I possibly go on like this? Now Little Sister we're the ''Moon Children'' we're bound to be cursed as he sets his paws gently on my shoulder I promise you I will keep you safe and happy as long as I can the Night's Tune becomes more frantic and more static like as the noose sway in the shadowed like wind as I take my big brother's paw against mine paw promise the ropes squeeze somewhat tighter around me I can't live like this anymore brother!!!! I know Little Sister trust me I know your happiness is important to me not something that's rotten here as with my big brother I lay against the hollow oak tree listening to the lull of ''Death'' next towards my brother wondering in ever so deep thought this is death's paradise where nothing is to be seen, nothing but hollowed out suicidal noose spirits and the tune of the ''Night'' O'' Forsaken ''One''. The rage inside, the love I've for you. To love a wolf
Curled up holding two paws together brother wolf and sister wolf, one that is thin bony and a Shadow Wolf the other Abyss Wolf just like the depths of the forgotten burnt alchemy scars symbol of the crescent moon with the ever flowing clock of time holding into a fury of circle of death pain suffering remorse of own cursed being, the book past down from the Moon Wolfs.....the Cursed Book Of The Wolves, the darkest of alchemy and the Moon itself, self poisoned one by the jeweled serpentine towards healing our sick wolf bodies we're the divine ones born of the ''Moon'' the order of the ''LUNAR ONE'' the chalice of the divine serpent we're forever paralyzed slit forsaken eyes of the forgotten void. The howls of death and despair
The little wolf sister hides in a shadow corner, eyes of paranoia the forsaken ''One'' the thought of you drives me mentally insane! I don't know how I can live this life anymore. living a life in a depressive hole of insanity. Something grabs my wolf limbs. The abyss screams with suicidal hisses! Forsaken One! Forsaken One I got you! Now drown! Now drown!! Your kind doesn't deserve love! Pathetic creature! I wiggle my body around the abyss swirling around me I feel a slight coil, I see a jeweled eyed serpent, the serpent opens it's seeping fangs of venom as I struck in the heart. My eyes open the one thought I had while my wolf body shakes in fear was ''YOU'' I slip under my body coils I feel in a paralyze coma. My whole life is a f**king mess. I want to sleep forever underneath this venomous coma! Ahhhh!!! My wolf body tries to recover I shake I try to move my wolf arm out of the abyss. Someone please.....someone please howls!!!! Hisses no!!! My eyes slit just a tad bit I see a large black wolf the fur is like that of the purest darkness. Eyes crimson. There I feel a large paw standing on my heart. I start hearing telepathic thoughts. Sister? Sister? Sister!!!! The wolf brother arches and lets out a howl! I start hearing even more voices sister don't lose yourself please wake up! I get rattled almost like a doll. I try to open my jaws. Brother why do I deserve this? Why do I deserve this?! Answer me!!!
Oh sister of the 'Moon'' itself, I wanted to say, even if it's such sometimes my telepathic thoughts together of you and I are sometimes shut off at will. I wanted to say this. Knowing something as a creature of the abyss, that lacked emotion, you taught me emotion, even though some are still unknown and fuzzy towards me. I can say I don't mean towards cutting our telepathic thoughts off it's more in such ''?'' I know what will happen. I've sat on my throne flipping through the Wolven Book over and over this cursed damned thing! I notice as you've recently called me an alchemist. I can no longer fix you, no that's not the word I've come to a realization that you and your own will are not fixable. You created your own wall of despair, you created your own destruction, you functioned yourself were only you will destroy yourself over and over as you see fit. This saddens me so. I was already to late to save you. The best thing I could've done was take you and raise you as one of my own wolf kin. I raised you under the Wolven Family. I was like you. Raised on hatred pain and suffering. I mastered the arts of the shadows throughout this. I bend the own will of the shadows. Swirling with madness. This wolf has shown no sense of remorse but only that of misery. The woods you speak of the oak suicide tree. I been there. I ran. I ran when the clock of the crescent moon stopped. I let out a grieving howl. I ran holding my arm into the place called ''Death's Paradise'' there I started hearing tunes of the suicidal spirits you speak of. The suicidal spirits were peaceful in my mind. I leaned against the tree, listening towards the spiral of ''Death's Tune'' the shadowed noose branches swayed in the wind. I was on the verge of seeing things as my mind spiraled into madness. I saw visions of ''YOU'' a small hurt damaged wolf. I had to find you at all cost. I took my Wolven Book with me in my wolf pouch and I put that around my neck and ran. I ran until I could find you dear sister. Now look at you. You can't even make sense who you're anymore. You can't even tell what is what anymore. More in fact you can't even tell certain emotions at all your Wolven body is collapsing. The abyss has grabbed your Wolven ankles and dragging you under and suffocating you. You Wolven Body squirms and fights but to no avail. Poor sister. I reach out my paw and I try pulling you up. But a coil squeezes your body and I hear hisses of a jeweled serpent. Well s**t what kind of Wolven Brother am I? I'm just an embodiment totem keeping you alive. What happened towards your happiness? Where did I go wrong as a spirit? Argh! I speak in a Lunar tongue. Naiehm na sai Lunarisk. Can you hear me Lunar One. Please!!! I set my Wolven Book down with my wolf pouch given towards my elders I hated so much. What can I do save my sister?! Please! I turn into my wolf form whimpering with a sorrowful grunt. My eyes swirl of crimson. I shake my wolf head listening to the Lunar speak to me. Your sister has gotten to the point of the forgotten ''SUN'' there isn't much you can do, in fact the best thing you can do is nurture her in the forbidden pool. As I hear that my Wolven blood feels like it's falling everywhere dripping on the crystal floor. Paramuside. Paradise......ah... I see two empty thrones. One for you and I sister together we can be at solitude trapped forever. We've nothing to lose anyways do we not. The suicidal spirit grips into my head. I clutch my paws around my head shaking no get out! Get out! Get out!! I let out a violent Wolven hiss. Sister runs towards me! Give that to me! Give that to me! I look into my Sister's eyes with pure madness and hopelessness the suicidal spirit feeds on her. I go over to my Sister and I look at her she looks at me like a maniac. So what now Brother? She laughs like a mechanical doll. She laughs again do you really think that I was this okay? You do know right you can't save me but you kept this body alive and that I can respect you for. Sister I! I throw my Wolven Book down with anger and hatred and I look at her and I scoop her up you're a beautiful mess you know that. You call me an Alchemist but no Alchemy or transmutation isn't gonna save you dear ''One'' for us we're the ''Moon Children'' we will become what we will become ''You''
- My son will be 6 in November and I don't want anymore
- The poem are from my personal and darkest part of my psyche
- I've been abused, manipulated, lied towards and acted like I was stupid not to notice and ignored
- I've been wanted for looks and that's all if you're going to be that way go join my huge block list
- I cut people that are out of my life now that lie, treat me like trash and more
- I'm 5'2 and 82 pounds
- Depressive Black Metal and Atmospheric Black Metal makes me happy
- I don't smoke
- I do drink though amber beer or German beer and my mead but I'm not an obsessive drinker
- Don't work or drive I rather be a house wife
- My favorite movies are Rogue One and Doctor Strange
- My favorite colors are Black Mint and Silver
- I love Tarantulas
- I'm a huge animal lover
- I love shiny objects
- I love my bed
- I love concerts
- I love music
- I love dying my hair midnight black and I never will go back towards dirty blond
- I love watching Let's Play videos
- I love stuff animals
- I love the ''Moon''
- Being spiritual
