So below was when I first made this you could choose to read it if you'd like to see where I was then but you don't have to. I've been through alot in my life. I was so depressed that I literally lost everything I couldnt cope with my past any longer. And I had a break down, I'm getting help now.. I've been going to counseling for about 3 months now I think. I have my first psychiatrist meeting April 6th. And I'm taking my medicine regularly like I'm supposed to. It doesn't exactly help but it makes me numb so I guess it's a plus. That's what the psychiatrist is for, to help me get to the root and find the right medicine to actually start balancing the chemicals in my brain correctly. I went back to school. (I was a drop out) started in December of 2016 and will be graduating in June of 2017. So in a sense. I'm getting a little better everyday I never had a plan before. Now I'm getting done with HS and plan on going to college for 6 weeks to be a pre school teacher. I'm just taking baby steps some days I'm 20 steps forward the next day I can be 100 steps back. Sometimes it's hard to talk to people. Others it's not. I've learned something recently. When your someone with things going on, you find friends with issues too. Because it's comforting you feel like your on the same level. If you try to befriend someone whose overall pretty happy and has there life figured out it makes you feel judged uncomfortable and inferior to them. The down side is when your alright in a dark place and your spending all your time with people who are also in a dark place you just fall deeper and deeper Because you love them and you don't want them to hurt and it hurts you. So people say to remove the negitive people out of your life to be happy right? The thing no one says is in order to be happy when you hit that point in life where you are truly trying you'll see that your completely alone. And to often than not it has to be that way because your in a uncomfortable zone. Where you don't fit in on either side your mood fluctuates so much you find it hard to have a conversation with anyone. You may have family like me but you'll still feel disconnected. Not in the right mind to be around anyone. I'm not saying that it's like this for every single person everyone is unique but alot of the time this is how it is and some realize it way to late while others can handle the fact that it takes being alone even more uncomfortable than you've ever been even tho your never felt comfortable in your life. And choose to stay where they are with the friends I'm not saying those people are bad or negative or anything evil they just haven't found the right thought or whatever you want to call it to push them to try so you feel different around them and once your happy it might be hard to talk to them at all because even though you know you love them and want to spend time with them they'll be feeling how your felt originally inferior to someone happy and it's not your fault or there's. It's there mind. There cage there prison. It's very very unfortunate. And like I said it's not always like this this isn't always the case. But this is what I've learned so far on my journey to being okay and content with my mind.
I'm pretty broken inside and at my end. I'm shy but I'm talkative I like to be fun and a bit crazy but I also love having 3 hour deep conversations I love to listen I'm not really good at this but I enjoy reading and writing I love music and superheros I have anxiety and I over think everything. I honestly just love a genuine person who enjoys talking and being in the presence of someone they can trust not to be judged. I just like real people. Who enjoy the little things.. Soo I honestly need a friend.. I best friend someone I can talk to every single day someone who understands that I'm indecisive and stress over everything someone I can tell everything too someone who will be there for me always.. I'm not really looking for a relationship right now.. If it comes along awesome.. But its gonna take a lot of work to convenience me.. I've been through this terrible breakup and I'm still lost and confused and just.. It causes me to have panic attacks thinking about it.. I just.. I need a person who will love me appreciate me.. Listen to me.. And be there for me.. Someone who can see right thru my bs knows when I'm upset when I'm happy.. Someone I can vibe with who actually know me.. Understand me.. Idk.. I'm horrible with words.. I'm hoping someone with read this and the one who truly understands will get what I'm saying so if its you.. If you find me.. Please message me please.. I need you.. More than ever now..
