The Story So Far:
The story goes like this. Ever since I first breathed the air in this world I knew I was destined to be a catalyst for change. It wasn't self entitlement but rather a feeling deep with in. I knew I was not merely an individual but a warrior by birth right. I was to take the reigns and lead lost souls out of the deep dark abyss and back into the world filled with passion and new life. My purpose was to fix the broken and turn them into an army of unstoppable beautiful creatures. Those beautiful creatures believed in me and what I had to say. Using merely my own poetic magic I earned their love and respect and seeing the joy in their hearts and faces a fire grew deep with in me. It was a blazing flame as burning hot as you could ever imagine and it would never be put out for it would live forever lighting the torch that would light another and another and the beautiful creatures brought my soul harmony, peace, and salvation. I would never be lonely again. For this is my dream and now you understand that I love my beautiful creatures and will never turn my back on them.
I`m a 23 year old guy who has many dreams and I often prefer to live in those dreams rather than accept reality. I believe in making the rules and controlling my fate. I believe I can make anything happen if I put my heart and soul into it. I also believe nothing is impossible if I have faith in myself. I strongly believe dreams make our reality and I stand by that. I believe a strong heart can conquer anything. I believe in love and it's purity. I believe in happy endings. I`m in love with music. It`s just so beautiful yet so much more. Probably one of the few things that keep me going. I love wrestling such as the wwe, call it fake, call it what you want. It means something to me and I don't care what you think about it. I have tremendous respect for anybody who fights for a purpose especially when it involves fighting discrimination of any kind. I relate strongly to that. I am different from everybody else regardless of your oppinion and I`m not looking to be what people want me to be just to fit in. I stopped doing that when I grew up. I love expressing myself in many ways. My fashion, hair, and makeup complete my personality.
I`m a very loving, caring, loyal friend who gives my all for the people I care about. The only sad story here is I get used and taken advantage of like I`m sure a lot of you have. I'm that nice guy that falls for people and then gets his heart smashed by those same individuals. I don't have many good friends to be honest. Very few and I spend most of my days alone but not by choice, it's just the way things are. I am some what emotionally damaged from what I`ve lost. If you've loved someone you would likely understand. This affects me psychologically sometimes and I sometimes don't act like my true confident self as much as I want to. I don`t trust people like I used to and I have a hard time staying happy at times but have learned to see the positives a lot more in my life.
I tend to take risks a lot.. even when there's a great chance it can hurt me. I guess in one way you could think that's reckless and I`m setting myself up for my own downfall.. but the truth is it`s the very reason I can overcome great odds from time to time and accomplish my biggest achievements in life because I don`t back down and I face any opposition ahead of me. I always give it my all. I don`t know what the future holds for me but I only know I can keep chasing what I feel inside and using that instinct to drive me.. that feeling that I can be more than I am. I can only keep chasing my dreams and making them come true.
If any of you have suffered a great deal of pain know that I`m the one who will be there for you when nobody else is.. because I know what it`s like to be alone, betrayed, and hurt. I`m not the most popular though I have some respect on the net. I`ve never had a ton of friends around me and I`ve never been called a ton of times in a day or got more comments or photo comments than I can read. I`m unpopular.. and I barely have anyone but this isn't meant to make you feel sorry for me. I just want to be honest with myself.
As for you classifying what I am well you should try saying unique. I don`t call myself emo, scene, goth, punk, or anything really. Maybe I resemble some of the different styles but I do what I feel and you can't put a label on that. Had I the money or the resources I'd be doing a lot more. All I really know is I`m me and I wear what I like. What I find appealing. Maybe a lot of people say that but I mean it. And I don`t think I`ll grow out of it because it`s who I am. The way I see it is if all these grown up musicians can do it I can too. The one thing I know is regardless of what you think my friends love me exactly the way I am and they think I'm beautiful. I don't need your acceptance or approval. Truth is it's not going to change me.
You may notice some pics I have that are revealing or sexual in nature. Don't mistake this for me being conceited / full of myself because I know I'm not the best looking. I know I don't have a six pack or a perfect face but I'm greatful to have what I have and I guess I can be a bit of a tease at times but that's about it. Truthfully we see this kind of stuff all the time in the media or elsewhere but all of you dignify that as normal and someone else as dirty. My suggestion to you is to make an attempt to get to know me before you assume you know who I am. If you think this is why people have taken advantage of me that's not true. I've been a great guy to the people I've loved but for some reason I never get back the love and admiration I seek from them. The truth is I used to be unconfident and very self conscious in my youth but as I've grown I have learned to love and respect myself as I am and see the beauty that is there.
I have a some what androgynous personality. Meaning I am not overly masculine or feminine by personality. I am more of a blend of the two. They create balance and harmony for me and I embrace every fiber of my being with all my heart. I have a passion for being a fighter for the abused and outcasted. I often will write expressions on myself to send messages and always dress up and be who I want to be. In this way I feel as though I salute everyone who has been put down or hurt by others blind ignorance and hate. In my mind I believe Love, unity, and respect triumphs over hate. Always believe and never give up on your dreams or anything. Shine brighter than the rest and you will come out on top and most importantly find peace and happiness with yourself.
When things go wrong I just raise a finger on this hand and say **** You to life's complicated irony. But you know what, at the end of the day it gets me by. You should never regret trying. Why feel bad about giving your all and coming up short. I suppose sometimes I do but that is probably why I'm a perfectionist in many ways. Honestly here's the thing and listen well.. If somebody can't appreciate you tell them to **** off. I'm serious. Don't waste your tears, don't grieve for them. Just say **** you because if they don't think you're worth it than they aren't either and if they don't want to put a smile on your face then they are worthless. Like what are you grieving about. Kick that no good mother****er to the curb. But don't forget to look in the mirror when sh*tis YOUR fault. You're a bigger person if you can admit when you screwed up. Don't constantly look for people to blame your problems and admit when you are closing yourself off when you put your walls up. At the end of the day this is about self respect and dignity. End of the lesson
My personal quotes:
"Music is my therapist."
"My heart is where I draw my true inner strength. Not my body. And that is where I will face my opposition. That is where I will stand toe to toe with the biggest of them all."
"Impossible is an illusion."
"You can never judge someone by their cover. I'm appreciative of the comments and the people. The way I see it is if you can't give the love back then you dont' really deserve to have it in the first place."
Other quotes I believe in:
"Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist" - Pablo Picasso
"Be happy in front of your haters. It kills them." - Davey Suicide
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex.
It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction." - Albert Einstein
"With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored...the first thought forbidden...the first freedom denied – chains us all, irrevocably." - Star Trek The Next Generation
