To sum up, I'm weird, and unusual. I usually tend to be too nice, and trusting, and I've been hurt a lot. I don't trust guys, or any kind of male. Finding myself with a true friend who actually appreciates me would be nice. I'm not very confident in having relationships though, most people judge me too harshly when I'm just being honest and open about things....
I'm emo, and depressed most of the time, but really I just need a reason to be happy. Relationships and people matter in life, not wealth or fame. I'm complicated, and I'd rather actually talk with someone than read about them or just be read about. I don't expect the world to love me, or a lot of people to even like me, but one or two friends who actually appreciate me, that would make me happy.
I'm spiritual, and my gender is kinda mixed up. I've always been more feminine at heart, and I hate being seen as some guy. Physically I'm a male, but that shouldn't define me. I'd rather be seen as a girl, but most people see me as a freak for being different on the inside. I just want to be accepted, and appreciated.
Favorite songs are;
Sleeping With Sirens - If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn
Sleeping With Sirens - With Ears To See and Eyes To Hear
Sleeping With Sirens - You Kill Me (In A Good Way)
Slipknot - Snuff
Blessthefall - Higinia
(I typed this awhile ago, and it's still the best I've ever described myself honestly.)
10/1/17
P.S. I'm kinda fed up with people. I've given my best so much, and people take advantage, use, and abandon me. I know it's not just me, but I don't seem to be lucky enough to find the actual good people, so I'm probably going to just distance myself from anyone, cause I can't handle getting hurt anymore.
(11/6/17)
I could make this short, simple, and sweet, but that wouldn't be me. In life I have to where a mask, play a role, live a facade, all to blend in, and be accepted, but here why should I? Why should I pretend, and act like I'm anything but who I am? Yea, I have issues, I'm not perfect, but no one is without faults.
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My favorite story, favorite words, do you still love me my darling.... "Dress in my best for you, I bring you the finest jems, diamonds, the most lovely flowers, and in your path I lay you the smoothest marble for your feet to walk. I'd reign in the moon to light your darkest nights, grow you the tallest trees to shade you from the sun. I'd give you the cure for nightmares, the antidote to pain, I'd make life everything it should be for you. With all my heart, and all my being, I promise I'd give you my world, but the darkness in me, my pain, my fear, my horrors. The twisted shattered pieces of my heart, my dreams, my memories. These scars like shattered glass that never stop cutting me, and the twisted thoughts that scream like cries for relief, if you knew,... would you still love me?"
Read my book, hear my stories, feel my scars,... I'm not here, not on this world for society, or society's fakes, or the hollow people who walk this earth. Give me your heart if you have one, and I'll give you mine.
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11/15/17
I thought about changing all this, but I decided I want people to know who I was. I did my best, I gave all my heart, I looked deep in everyone I liked, everyone I wanted to believe in. I looked for the good, and chose to believe, and hoped for the best, but I found you all to be cold, empty, fake, horrible people. You pretend to be nice, and care, but you only care about yourself. You make promises you never mean to keep, and your words are worthless. I chose to believe, but now I see there was nothing to believe in. The sad truth is, I could have a gun to my head, beg you to prove me wrong, be different, be real, and you'd walk away and disappear, never even say another word.
I leave this because people should know, I did my best, and cared, and loved genuinely because I wanted this world to be a better place, and I wanted to be appreciated, but that was all just a lost cause. Society, humanity, just end it already, or change, cause watching the fake hollow people is a nightmare of its own, and I can't watch anymore. The heartless and soulless are worse than any apocalypse.
