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Someone told me this did take them a total of 40 minutes to read. Sense I've to repeat myself constantly you can either A read each comment section one per day or read on your off day at work I simply don't care! You just let me know when you're finished and if you feel the need to you can also for fun and games how long this saga did take you to finish and complete
 So I'm getting this out of the way for people wondering why MY boyfriend has to be kept a secret whenever I do decide to get one well let's make this clear so I can get this out the way. When I was 20 the stupid years were coming so I decided to join POF and go to their meetings. I've no idea why I did this. I had no reasoning. I was being f'ucking stupid. Well I did date someone there but what happened was he changed into another person. His bandmates got him to do drugs like acid and shrooms and I'm sure his band mates made him do both at the same time. Well to me he seemed possessed in a sense and I know all of you are going to say go get some mental help or you're over exaggerating. No I know what I saw and I wouldn't make $hit up. and I'm the only one in the family that has semi well sharp intuition. Well....I'm not saying the whole entire story but let's just say something happened with one of my family members the police couldn't control him and they had to gun him down. It was so bad they had to call the swat team because he was going berserk. I don't know what nobody says some kind of ''entity'' can possess you if you're on those kinds of drugs and I believe and researched that doing those kinds of drugs if you meditate or into other ritual crafts you can invite a dark entity upon not knowing. Also I can also explain the whole thing that happened but I will not....I simply am not mentally ready to retype the whole murder that took place at the ''old house'' but let's just say what happened May 1st changed my dad and my whole family perspective of me. All because of a choice I made when I was 20. So my boyfriend yes would've to hide if my aunt would go pick up to go get groceries he would've to go somewhere else till I got back. My dad also told me he doesn't want to know anyone I talk to or my personal life when I get my own apartment and I must only text him if he has to do something with my son or dinner etc. I understand why I'm getting the ultimate punishment that I wholeheartedly deserve. And not to further waste your time. I'm not allowed to move out where I live due to split custody with my child. This is the court's rules not mine. You've to be 30 miles apart from the parent, which we don't talk about but still I can't just up my bags and leave with my Son then I would get filed by the court for breaking the rules. Another reason why you might hate me is I don't want any more kids to find out more about this disabled look at my blogs for physical. Short story short I was immobile after my C-Section for 4 months even then I had to take two Tylenol pills and can only walk for an hour before I started hurting again. I also know my hips hurt to as well as I think s'e'x does hurt sometime and due to being s'e'x'u'a'l abused if I didn't have s'e'x with my ex he would beat me, This has made me not being able to enjoy s'e'x and I get really skittish in bed, No guy will probably ever know what's this like unless he was abused the same way. Which comes to a reminder I do want my tubes tied one day. While you're thinking great, I need to wear protection now. Well the truth is I was stupid YET again that I didn't tell my doctor I wanted my tubes tied because at 18 I could've got them tied as I'm called an adult then and I don't need a parental guardianship for anything, As well as now sense I'm about to be 28 Medicare probably won't give me full converge like I was when I was 18 Why haven't I gotten full custody of my Son? Really none of your business the legal age is 13 when he is allowed how/who he wants to live with. Right now me and my dad are really concerned about mental brainwashing from my Son's dad side of the family what they will do to his brain etc. Because me and my dad both know that they would brainwash my Son. I also should state I will never post what my Son looks like on IG until he is a teenager, Call this extreme paranoia but I don't care. Also don't ask me what happened between me and the dad the past is the past. But please keep in mind I'm not signed up on this website to hopefully find someone that will pay for my Son's things. No thanks! He also will be 10 in November. Not scared off yet? Here is the next part of the application * This is more hints and tips about what I look for in a relationship if my blog wasn't a good general idea etc. I like being courted and unusual way. I'm sort of old fashioned. I would like someone that is into me into dating would give me a token that symbolize our relationship. I think this is very symbolic and traditional on how I like things just like burning and purifying the diseased people on a stake and offered in a demon wisp box. I like things like the olden wolf ways and how I was raised by Loki and Mother. I believe having a inexpensive item that shows what you think about your partner is very symbolic and your partner will always be with you. I'm not looking for a full on 24/7 physical or s-e-x-u-a-l relationship. I don't date for fame or social status or how much income you make. Also I'm really shocked about women these days apparently from a few profile accounts I read height matters? Like why? As a female myself I can't understand that logic @ all. * Pro tip I also don't understand this Onlyfan $hit either as a female. Like the first thing a female things about joining a social media or a dating platform. Oh $hit gotta post my OnlyFan account. Like ? I don't understand man I really don't. Also I will state this again even if we're dating I will not send you a n-u-d-e I stand by my modest attitude and appearance and my motherly wolf duties. I'm not being s-exist either when I type this. I prefer the male to tell me that he wants to date me as I don't want to cross any emotional boundaries as I like to be respectful and just wait for the male to tell me his feelings. I know this might seem like a s-exist feminist to say but I just don't like bothering people or crossing boundaries so I'm not expecting you to understand. * Pro tip after doing some searching I understand now why I do this and half the reason is because I got rejected many times or the person I confessed my feelings too said ''he found someone better than me'' so I kind of shunned myself from asking so you can say the reason above this text speech this is the other portion etc. And I also like matching shampoo and conditioner and body wash and a hair brush because that makes you feel closer to your companion and I even got told I was weird for this....not often but a few times etc. * Pro tip I will never ask someone to match my hair color because I dye my hair black and I know many men would say hell no if there hair is a gorgeous red shade or gingi shade or a lovely shade of brown etc. I also don't expect guys to match body wash with me due the the fact I've to have lavender oil or a gentle exfoliate or oatmeal body wash due to my skin being sensitive. I don't break out in hives I just end up with a red chest or irritated skin. |
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https://gothwire.com/writings/13489/2982/spirit-writings-from-2020
https://gothwire.com/writings/13489/2981/old-spirit-writings-from-2017 Important if you care about spirituality in someone's love life or just why I believe in the spiritual plane as I do and more information will be had in the physical as both collide anyways However this will give you more time to learn about me spiritually of what I stand for in general https://gothwire.com/writings/13478/2977/spiritual-writings-and-beliefs-and-of-course-my-favorite-colors Physical plane important https://emowire.com/blogs/3826/956/other-things-i-like-and-things-you-shouldn-t-like-by-me Added notes * My sis doesn't want me posting photos of her face online, I respect my sister wishes and I will not do that, this isn't just for me this goes for our dad and other family members and even her own husband. This is why you will never see my sister and I selfies on IG. I also don't post selfies on IG anymore because guys can't say anything else besides hey pretty or hey gorgeous and so on. I had enough and deleted half of my photos on there as a revolt. * Right now I'm trying to apply for disability but I don't feel like making a wall of China text about recent updates about it but it is in progress I'm no longer waiting anymore. Also I don't feel like sharing legal matters with my son right now and if you want to know more about my mental health issues look at my main profile picture for more information and my contact information is there as well and message me there You can read this one last this is basic trivia facts about me https://gothwire.com/writings/13478/2974/video-gaming-and-anime-and-other-things-i-like * Free to talk about any video game. I only own one switch game because that's all I could afford after I bought my switch lite. I also like the same movies and nothing has changed. I also only get teas at Starbucks no longer paying $5.95 for a small frappe when I can get two for the price at that at Mckeydees. I love their dragon fruit tea yum! https://www.animefreak.tv/user/profile/DreamsSpookJill/watchlist * I rarely watch anime now but my favorite anime is Monster and ask what my other four are if you need a top four list. That will give us something to talk about. * If you want to know what other things I like I can show you my Amazon wish list? This was created so I can confuse my sister on tons of things to pick for my Birthday or Christmas. Sense my dad is lazy and makes my sis and his other daughter pick out stuff for me as well for him and my son. There is tons of confusion. I also use this as a bookmark on things I want to buy for future things. All merch on IG was gifts from my sis and my dad and my son. Or used from my aunt's cleaning money. Only happened twice but I got blocked after my IG account was viewed? Like WTF? But I mean I've been blocked for many stupid things such as my profile being too long. Not this section but my profile that is up front. I got harassed and bullied for a long profile like okay? Like you're the one that is complaining and I never messaged you? I also got blocked for explain why I'm having a hard time with communication once I say I've Autism it's like a hell no reaction. BLOCK. I also don't understand why people block me because of my speech? But the most strangest block ever I ever gotten in my life from here was this person didn't like me using my Mii shark emojis which is a pre-installed stickers for iPhone and he goes I don't know why you're sending those and I don't like sharks. Then I go because I can do what I want? Then I send a Loki gif then I get BLOCKED. I also got blocked because in the past there was this one single person that goes I'm sorry I can't talk to single parents or be friends with them and I'm like excuse me? Also funny thing is nowhere was that stated in his profile. So I'll say this countless of times my block count is higher than my friend count and that's just the honest truth from the wolf mother so whatever. Also for people wondering how do I get my long hair healthy. I've in the past used Biotin shampoo and conditioner the best brand is OGX I used to love Renpure but the smell is really too strong for me now. I've not tried their plant based version and see how that smells. The OGX is good smells like fresh blueberries. I'm not sure if any company does off brand Biotin products I know some stores do generic versions of shampoos and conditioner but not not a huge variety mainly that's dandruff. Which speaking of dandruff if you're looking for a more less harsh and drying and more healthy detox I would recommend using this for two week or three weeks for a restart for your hair I highly recommend you use OGX ginger and pomegranate shampoo. I'm really interested to see how OGX charcoal works when I run out of the ginger one just to change things up as most OGX shampoo and conditioner work great for my hair except the keratin which was way too perfume and gave me a headache. I also want to try their green tea as I love that smell and I want to try their sake essence haven't tried that at store. I simply don't use Garnier anything unless I've a coupon for their hair dye but I will not use the conditioner that comes inside the box! I used their pure clean or whatever that $hit is called my hair started shedding in the shower like W-T-F? However I should've read if there is a active proteins or something because if you leave that too long in your hair that can cause hair breakage but still never touching that $hit again. Some Sauve conditioners are okay my hair almost hates all of their conditioners but their rosemary is good their almond butter last time I use that caused my skin to be red when my hair touched my chest. Their rose oil conditioner is good. I've not tried their biotin conditioner but I want to because that would be way cheaper than OGX by $6 for conditioner. Tresemme unsure I tried their coconut natural conditioner and that made my hair into massive knots I recently found out that the company is facing a lawsuit or their keratin and people are saying that stuff is making their hair fall out and people are filing complaints. Herbal Essence sucks completely. So back on topic I also wash my hair every three days as my ex salon stylist said that washing your hair everyday is very bad for your hair health and you need the oils in your hair. I'm also will be trying keratin or hair skin and nails. Also biotin comes also can be in the running factor but finding a vitamin that only has 100 percent of your daily intake is hard so you've to be wary of picking up bottles some bottles say over 333 percent o your daily intake which can cause breakouts if you've to much Biotin intake so just look at the vitamin bottles. Speaking of vitamins. I'm starting taking fish oil an apple cider and green tea an keratin for health reasons besides my Valerian for my mild insomnia and I choose Valerian instead of melatonin because melatonin cost twice as much as Valerian. A bottle of mela is $10 even though that last you for 60 days I can get Valerian at Walmart the Spring Valley brand and I take three day for a 100 count is $3.97. Other courting ideas I thought of is maybe you can get a pet mouse or a hamster or a fish to think of me even though long distance like you can take a photo or we can set up a time to be up together so we can text and look at pets at a Pet Store? Sounds cute right?! Also come up with a name is even more ultra cute right?! Loose spiritual writing Even though he was gone from here or yester-year I thought could the wolf grow fangs of darkness and the light? But even so he would remain the darkness that cloaked the midnight. But I even thought of yester-year I would if I could hold the knife up to you and combat you and call that love? But you see I always hold the knife to myself and I held the knife at myself but I really held the knife to the demon's beast mask. Because self liberation is the one of self goals just like the chessman you see. I wonder how many times I see myself on a throne with closed eyes dreaming of paradise and you mother. But the way I destroy myself and others is just like a pile underneath me. I'm self obsessed with myself and destroying myself. It's beautiful and I can't deny anything because I've yet to refuse self denial of one's existence but you see like the chessman says ''I can't lose I must empress the Queen even if she needs to be used'' because that is just reality dumping pawns right before the very feet of the King and perhaps the Queen steps on the pawns. But the rook you see the hidden archer but do I self target others that are close friends or a lover of mine? Or do I self target myself liberation? I can't help but to see the end without you. Toxic miasmatic love. The enthralling way of enchantment for me. Just like the spine of the bishop the most important one that should be kept true ''hidden on the bishop's blade'' because that blade is me and I hide myself with that blade. A damned snake he told me if I could hear one more thing in life is the eaten roots of the Yggdrasil Tree the screams and the roar of the serpentine. Because you see water is where I thrive where the raven drowns the feathers in a fragile state and all all I can think about is pulling out the rook in the drowned feather's of the magi's crest the ''raven'' the last of the falling eyes of the rain and the shore as the wolf jaws open and the half grown serpentine's tongue. As I hold the rook with my paws I stare at a gaze and hoping the mother snake will notice me. You see I don't care because all I want is a checkmate for myself but I understand in life I want to be drowned in you and consumed in alchemy. But you see it's just like a white hare anything can be stained ''black'' even if life isn't beautiful to me but you see what is beautiful to me is pawns just like small daggers always being held behind and twisted and holding the knife close to someone. I see myself as a unit as I always have. Self combating. That combat is destroying myself but you see mother what if I hit checkmate last? Then the bishop falls on the Yggdrasil Tree branch....fragile self and arms and spider like fingers the drowned raven looks at the Yggdrasil Tree. I'll turn you black just like my hue is black but perhaps.....checkmate isn't for certain.... My other favorite anime shows besides Monster is 1. Black Butler Book Of Circus ' 2. Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens ' 3. Trinity Blood ' 4. Bakumatsu Kikansetsu Irohanihoheto and 5 is Hakkenden: Touhou Hakken Ibun Favorite Yokai is: Natsume Book Of Friends there is six seasons of this anime an Fukigen na Mononokean which is two seasons and I'm highly upset the company decided to cancel a third season  Ask me what else I like on the link I sent for my anime shows as well! |
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Also I forgot to add a few things
If you want another good place for Anime use this: I just use Opera Browser and turn on my auto block on and my tracking on to block trackers https://gogoanime.sh/category/monster I also forgot to put on my courting that I rather have handmade necklace or bracelet than a few dollar Item from AliExpress.com and also if getting a pet store is to awkward for you and taking a photo then maybe you can just tell me what color mouse or fish the Pet Store has if you're uncomfortable with something then say something! With my Autism I'm sometimes unaware of what that person is feeling! So open up with me and say I really don't feel comfortable going in a pet store and taking photos can I can just text you what color mouse or fish or bird the pet store has? Also I'm willing to mail a courting gift as well Another idea I should final present to you is Are you a artist? Jewelry maker or other craft by trade? Send me your stuff. Also send me a spam wall of your pets or some videos would be nice. Oh! If you also sell your art let me know! Also I should state I've some request that I would love artist to try making them! So idea one is wolf with blue black silk fur strands representing the Midnight and gray eyeballs and a small pointy ear silk and also representing the female side and the other half is the male side with coarse pitch black furs and red eyeballs and the ears are more demonic this represents the Abyss. Second idea is a raven coat of arms and the raven protecting the wolf head. Third idea is a emerald snake with glowing green scales with purple gem eyeballs and some on the scales and a whirlpool background and a storm setting. Fourth idea is a vampire robe with a wolf head. Last thing people ask why do I've issues with weed and that's not a drug let me tell you. I've had guys spend weed on themselves rather than them buying me something for my birthday or Christmas and I was going to buy them something as well and mail that off to them. I also had my son's dad possibly spending money on weed and that's why I never gotten any money for our Son and for clothes etc. His ex told me this and showed me a photo of him smoking a joint with his friends. I still remember on tax day I asked can I've $60 to buy clothes for our Son he goes ''you know how my money is so don't ask me that because I don't have the money'' but me and the dad don't talk anymore. The only time we do is when School starts. But yes weed has effected my life and my relationships with people because apparently smoking weed is more important than me and all I was asking can you buy me this 10 dollar item for Christmas and the guy was like ''sorry I used all my money on weed'' |
